another long blog...

firstly, I just downloaded the project a ko series and it's absolutely full of sexual inuendo. ako and bko are both sex objects as they are shown in suggestive situations at every possible time. they fight aliens that look like dudes, but they are chicks. boobs, panties and all. the videos that I got show some nudity that I don't remember from the scifi channel anime show so long ago. this picture cracks me up. 2 women ready to fight, being compared to MALE lions in the background, AND they do the glipmse-of-panties shot for ako.
the weekend was rough too. on friday night, I hung out with charlie and luke, played guitar, had like 4 mixed drinks while looking for lettuce. right before I left charlie's, I texted joe to see if he had a contact. he did and late at night and drunk, I went to leroy to get dope. I felt fine until we stopped in a parking lot to smoke a blunt. then I became completely fucked up. d and lisa were at the bar there so that was cool. I also saw one of the old temps. we finally got back to joe's where we smoked more and I passed out on his couch as per joe's orders. I woke up barely alive the next day and got a ride to my car. I got home knowing that the family picnic was that day and tried in every way to revive myself. I should have just got a drink and tried to cover up the booze stink instead of trying to cover up such a brutal hangover. the picnic was horrible except for the food and I could barely stay in a coversation with even my closest cousin, don. my parents were clearly displeased with me and dropped me off at like 7 pm much to my relief.
I got some drinks into me and broke up my new bag. it was all seeds, stems and leaves. apparently the stems and leaves were from a very high grade plant because I got toasted every time I smoked it. I've got other stuff to do here besides blog, so that's it for now.

the other weekend...

on friday i took 1 adderall xr, went to charlie's, drank, smoked lettuce, had a great time. on saturday i took 2, went for a walk, took another, drink and draw time, called tj, took another, went to tj's and suddenly woke up on his couch at 11am the next day. went home to pay rent and took another. i alternated coffee and water all day and went to my parents feeling like dook. returning home, i had 2 mixed drinks and tossed and turned through the night. i felt even worse getting ready for work and had to stop on the way to call an ambulance. i felt like i was discorporating and my hands formed retard fists tthat wouldn't unclench. i flagged down an suv and had that dude call for me. todd and joyce stopped and i told them i wouldn't be at work. this bitch cop shows up, cuffs me and throws me in the back of her car. emts show up and can't work thier blood pressure machine so it cuts off the circulation in my arm. at the hospital i get a second iv and more sticky things (17 total). they gave me valium and turned the alerts off on my monitor cause it was always on alert. i fell asleep and woke up feeling better. they released me, but now i'm in the city with no ride to brockport. called my dad, he lectured me all the way home. we picked up my car and he didn't care about the new a-hole. rough weekend.

ethternal serve-itude

I just opened a keystone ice. this should tell all there is to know. for those who don't know, I'm a worthless piece of shit and have been sentenced to a term of as long as I can survive trying to drink myself to death. my blood runs black with hatred as I write this and before I apply the 2 medicines that change it from black to tye-dye. my computer just had to be brought back from the dead. it's about as effed as I am. this is hell and apparently I have answered the question in my song: torment and pain. I have earned my place among the tormented. but that doesn't mean I can't torment anyone myself, it's just that all the wrath of this fucking place is centered on me. I called my parents to tell them I couldn't make it for dinner and asshole answered. I lied and said I was sick to avoid the complications that the truth would cause. I don't think that he would reacxt very well to "I'm having a shitty day and don't want to stare at your ugly mug for 2 hours while you yell in my left ear". I've done worse. not answering thier calls at all, lying to them about whether my drug habits exist or do not, convincing them to give me money for drugs under false premises, the list goes on. i'm starting to feel better after eloquently loosing my wrath on blogger and the booze (1 1/2 beers and a shot) so I'll end this before I become too complacent to blast fire and spew forth hatred in an endless unrelenting storm.

man vs. self

My brain is at war with itself. I really don't want to drink, but the other half of me really wants to drink and knows that there is plenty of vodka in the freezer and mixers in the fridge. Both halves know that I will get a good night's sleep if I do indeed imbibe vodka in disgusting amounts, but the no half says "when will you stop drinking ka? when you have cancer? become homeless? die?" but then the yes half says "just finish that bottle and don't buy another" but no says "what about when there is not enough for a whole night? you're gonna go buy a whole nother bottle and this will happen again" back and forth they go. if I skip tonight, I'll really be leaning toward the yes side tomorrow because I will have had all day to be bored and vodka will only look even better than it does now. as always, here are the images.