still so bored

I got my 401k thing and my check from george dahl, so I'm just killing some time until I go take care of that and the electric bill. I've also got to get some groceries at the store, so I might as well do that too while I'm out. I still want to go make fun of the doctor at lakeside's emergency room again. I was thinking about it in my sleep. like... I should pretend to be on drugs again and make fun of dr. rat-fink phd. tell him he looks like steve buscemi and that his freemason's iron cross on a hemp necklace isn't as cool as he thinks it is. I can't help but think about getting more robitussin and having another wild time in brain-land, but I also am oh-so tired of that too. i'll just find a picture and say blig you later.

andy, a 40, robitussin!

well, yesterday morning was going ok. I was feeling good listening to smooth jazz and I even threw out all the old bottles of every type. while I was doing that, there was heavy construction equipment working outside. it was loudand I was kind of wondering what was going on. meanwhile inside my brain, the voices that the doctors talked about were ramping up and gaining volume. at first I just drank my coffee and didn't worry about it. the jazz was really good and they had joel van beuren announcing. the female voice announcing what jazz was playing was a little soothing too. I said "why don't I give one of these video games a shot?" I tried a few different ones. the warcraft game was new and confusing, ok, something else. how about prince of persia 3? the prince didn't have much brain power and couldn't solve the simplest puzzle. I said "final fantasy is easy, I'll play that." I put in #10 and all of the menus went wonky and I couldn't pay attention to the cinematics. sometrhing was wrong. I thought that I had permanently damaged my brain because of 1 too many robitussins. I decided to go contact my parents because they should help me. I was totally paranoid and had given up all hope of returning to normal at this point because I couldn't play final fantasy and I couldn't play guitar. I showed up at 98 east ave. to be greeted by the dog and my dad was patient with me. I explained that my fear was that I had permanently damaged my brain because things were getting crossed and mangled and worse all the time. he took me to the hospital and they asked it was like when gollum was taken into mordor to be asked about the ring. amid my un-intelligable babble they got robitussin and that I didn't know how much I took. sauron, the doctor with the iron cross that looks like steve buscemi was very tired of me and sent me to the back room. at some poit they detached all the cables which kept me from running back and forth to the bathroom in front of all the emergency room patients. my mom got there and eventualy I came down from the drugs and they let us leave. my mom made dinner for us and my dad went to his important meeting. we walked the dog and tried to watch a movie, but I was too tired. I was walked home with the dog again and warned that bernie might call me. THAT WAS ROUGH! i don't think I'll touch anything like that again.

general unease

I chilled at urinymous busch's place this afternoon. we played guitar, I watched him play an extremely violent football game, and we watched some youtube. of course we also had to go to the store to get his namesake brand of american piss beers. ever since like 10:30 or 11 last night, I've had this INSANE craving for MASSIVE amounts of dxm. I mean, like 1062+ kind of obscene quantities of cough syrup. 708 just didn't do it for me! I want to get to the point where I'm completely freaking out and can't even enjoy it anymore. this is because of my overall insatiable thirst for mind bending chemicals, my previous experience with this stuff, and my recent (dramatic) increase in usage leading to a high tolerance. the pisser is that I have to go hang out with my parents tomorrow night and eat dinner with them because I have to ask for $150 to pay for health insurance. obviously, if I were to dose tonight (2nd night in a row, massive dose, only 5 hours of sleep so far since 8 am yesterday) they would REALLY be able to see me not being as sober as they would hope, hence not giving me money.anyway, I'm going to try to get some sleep here soon and tear my filthy digits away from this accursed blig.

legend of liquid shite

well, I walked to the hospital last night thinking I was going to die. they made me drink charcoal and swallow gigantic potassium pills. the dumbass doctor couldn't figure out what kind of syrup I drank and there was one nurse with the good the bad and the ugly face. then they pumped me full of liquids and wouldn't let me use the real toilet and I just couldn't piss in the recepticles they gave me. shawn txted me to see if I was ok cause I had sent him a cry for help. by that time I felt more myself and had my usual punk-bravado back on. I was taking pics of my shite in the toilet and told him that I got some of the sweetest dook pics ever. the doctor that replaced the other one looked like steve buscemi and was wearing a freemason's iron cross. I told him that I was fine and wanted to go home to sleep because I couldn't get any rest there. when he said ok, I peeled the sticky things off of me which the nurse didn't like. they told me to follow up with dr. garg which I won't do and gave me the card of their insurance guy and told me to call him so I wouldn't have to pay the bill. I have a feeling that insurance is more money than the bill, but that's besides the point. I'll call the guy and try to make a deal of some kind. all this time, I'm either on the toilet summoning the charcoal or in bed having to pee so bad I can taste it. they gave me a tray that they called breakfast which consisted of things too nasty to touch, sugar, high fructose corn syrup, milk and oj. I ate the dead bread and drank the breakfast liquids, but balked at the coffee and rice pudding. if I had drank that coffee, they would have regretted giving it to me as they would have gotten the bed linnens soiled. now I'm home with another hospital band for my collection waiting for teddy to come and take my last $200. CHECK THE SWEET DOOK PICS!

robitussin

it fs your mind and it fs your body. it fs your soul. it fs your life. it fs everything that you thought you knew is gone. don't drink robitussin.

b-town is dangerous!

main street is TORE UP!!! they put giant holes in the sidewalk with fences around them, there are hoses EVERYWHERE, sometimes they even close the road. I went for a ride tonight to get a deuce from K&K and had a perilous journey. on top of the already trecherous path through darkness and being blinded by assholes with their high beams on, I had gaping crevasses to circumnavigate though peoples' front yards.
fuck, nobody reads this thing anyway, I'll spill the beans. when my damned digits typed into this here blig about being like really sick or having done something wrong recently, I was refering to one of the darkest demons in my jaded past, our old red friend, robitussin. ouch. the word even hurts to type. most people say that if they go back to it after a long time, they don't really like it, but nobody I read about says it feels like concentrated hell! I used to REALLY dip into that stuff and it's been a very long time, but after that many years of not using it, Ive had 4 experiences in the past 2 years. 2 of them were decent and 2 complete misery. during fearless l's reign of terror, I left aa and figured "hey, what if i did drugs instead of drink?" what followed was a short time of forcing myself to smoke pot and drink shitty beer. I got into wild irish rose hardcore and used it to indirectly damage my car.
2 nights during that time, I went to eckerd and got tussin pills. the first time, I was foolishly bold with the dosage. 2 bottle for 600mg total. I layed on my couch and watched regular tv like dirty jobs. it hurt, I did the walk, drank water out of a yellow mobil on the run cup and had a horrible time. the second time, I tried one bottle and didn't think it was too bad. it just fucked me up so much that all i could do was listen to music.
I stopped for a while. drank a lot, started smoking pot again, started enjoying pot again.
the job has been getting to me lately. bad enough to conjure forth demons from the past that were thought to be forever buried? you bet! the first time, I was really drunk and just made a bee line for wegmans. I was probably doing caffeine pills at the time too. it fucked me up hardcore, but i almost had fun. until i woke up the next day and was still seeing digital. I spent the day in bed and misery. it took me all day to eat a granola bar. on the plus side, I watched really good anime that night called sword of the stranger.
friday night, I knew I had a bottle in my room and decided during the course of the week to drink it that night. friday came and I got a mean coffee for lunch. coffee treated my alcoholism like a punching bag. I felt bad enough when I got home to take a nap. I woke up and started drinking, then took the dex. eventually, I became more and more toasted by the 2nd plateau buzz. tried to watch movies and stuff to no avail. it weren't no fun! I kindof writhed through my apartment doing the walk and trying to get comfortable. i even had to mellow out the playlist when I was listening to music. the next day I spent a lot of time in bed and again couldn't eat much.
the last 2 were syrup and the 1st were gel caps. I have to say I prefer the syrup. it tells you what it is very directly and goes down quicker than a bunch of giant pills. I'm not saying it's never going to happen again, but in the forseeable future, there is not a chance.
so, if I've divulged the wrong secrets to the wrong person, please leave a comment, you will be the first to do so on this damned blig.