ARRRR!!!

harr, there matey! I be an internet pirate! and this be me first blog on me neighbor's wireless network. in the days of yore, I'd pirate this network constantly and without shame. nay, tis a sense of pride here. pride in taking that which is begging to be taken, like an x on a treasure map, I followed my neighbor's pleas to log on to thier network. like a treasure chest open and gleaming with gold, I take what I want. like a barmaid hanging all over me, I rape what is given freely. the vodka's flowing cause it's new years eve and the weather's shitty. the program I'm using is called easy wifi radar and it was downloaded free off some makayama website. upon searching for images to blog, I found it for sale! for$19.95! it really is easy as you just start the program, and you're connected. it even pulls up your internet browser for you! if you have a laptop and travel with it, you want this program. it only logs on to networks that are not security enabled, that being the only flaw. if the people using the network try to block you it doesn't work, they have to shut down thier shit in order to stop you. someday, I hope to find a program to log onto secured networks... I whistfully drift off dreaming of neverending free wifi.

no internet at home

last night, joey informed me that he was not going to be getting internet anymore and retuned my router. this is a picture of the only place that i can blog from now. my arm gets cramps from the high mounted touch screen.

christiansen day after christmas

the picture says it all. I showed up without an instrument and this is what they think of me. you really have to demand attention from these people. it's such a difference from the dailys. they were all over me and I barely even had to say a word. but the christiansens are cold and uncaring 0.0033 degree freemasons and won't talk to me because I am beneath them. one aunt and one cousin talked a little, but i'm dwelling too long. my day was thown off from smoking hippy lettuce in the morning. I woke up and was talking with logan about video games, when the dope dude showed up and rolled a blunt. that was at like 10 am. it's now 10 pm and I'm just getting back to normal. it fucks up my day to smoke that early. here's a list of things (drug related) that I can't do:
nutmeg
benadryl
dramamine
coricidin
robitussin
pot (without being drunk)
caffeine is a tricky one like pot, hence end of the list
besides that, the mythical folklore metal project got a name: Alatavalat.
no other progress was made.
in other news, a new term shall be used. this is "ganas" it is a spanish word for testicles that means so much more. it means ambition, balls, someone being a "real character", coherence, being able to tell that someone is "awake" or "aware", but so much more! if you understand this concept, you've probably got ganas. if you would say "yeah, sure, whatever" or some other dismissal response, then you don't.
ganas= psycho mike-o, shawn, joe, joyce, etc
no ganas= verizon wireless guy, sue, the tacks man, master slater (stachesquatch), todd, etc

daily side christmas eve

this is my dad's side of the family. we did a gift exchange and somebody brought stupid glasses. the old dude is art. he's not related, but shows up to all the family functions anyway. he's old, illiterate, and was an orphan, so he has lots of wild stories and always remembers that I work in the factory in bergen and asks me about work. the dude in the hat is don, but he's from my dad's brother's family. john (not pictured, don's brother) says he will make a whammy bar for me and donbro (young guy, another cousin) gave me a book called fuck you which is all metal dudes giving the finger. inside, cc deville is actually holding the same model of black ibanez that I play. my born again christian aunt loved the pgc shit and the aa aunt didn't bother me very much. she brought lasagna, but wouldn't eat any of it. before eating someone made an extremely rude comment about what I will and won't eat to which i told them it's not funny to mock people like that. otherwise everything went fine.

loud neighbors suck

THUMP THUMP THUMP is what I was awakened by this morning. 11 am, I know it's ok to be loud at this time, but this sound was happening right under my bed! joey has set up his stereo so that it is directly under my bed and ALWAYS chooses to use it when i'm sleeping one off in preparation to see some extended family on a holiday. for fux sake, why can't I have neighbors as drunk as me?

my order picker skills are like black magic

getting to work was kind of tough because of all the snow. I got stuck in the driveway a few times and had to drive very slow, but I got to work, gave shawn his antichrist-mas present (dvd cannibal holocaust) and talked to nick a lot. the ever elusive switch-stance backwards order picker driving came into play today, as forward with regular hand positions is too easy now. I'm working on driving with reversed hands and reversed body position (difficult and possibly dangerous) but it works, hence the headline. shawn doesn't seem to find it as amusing as I do, but we got to work on his machine today too. we worked together to create a windshield for him. tape and shink wrap were used with more success than expected.

grim and frostbitten apartment

no heat this weekend! my fingers just thawed enough to blog. the blizzard attacks made by the sky were pretty brutal and made dealing with my car quite a chore. digging it out the first time yesterday, I removed like 2 feet of the white stuff to go see logan in the city. the folklore metal is coming along allright, but I think I forgot my notes there. also, my computer screen is acting wierd (cuts off right side instead of having a black bar at the bottom). excuse the stolen art, but I didn't have any other cold pictures. this damn blog won't accept the word cold by itself, only cold virus (what a piece of shit!). blogger.com can suck my frozen nutsack!

vodkwest

It's a snowy time in b-town! after leaving work early, it came to my attention that I did not have enough vodka, so I put on my boots and coat to go out and get some from the liquor store. the going was slow, but everything worked out allright. there's a video called "in the way of the plow" or something like that to go along with this post. I was on my way back and liking the tundra when the video happened. I should probably have tried to catch some footage of the plow itself, but I was turning off the video when I realized what was happening. the most difficult task was crossing main street. I had to wait and then hurry, but also be careful of the slippery snow underfoot.

sick

my computer was sick, but i'm using antivirus from circuit city (gift card from work). i'm just starting to feel the pgc super-cold happening. so my computer gets healthy and i get sick.

beer

how to pick a real beer (my way)
beer should not be transparent. if you can see through it in a glass, it's american piss beer.
it should be thick. runny watered down piss beers need not apply.
it should not come in a 30 pack or 18 pack (unless already known to be good). large quantity beer packs usually contain urine like beverages.
no flashy packaging. if it looks fast when it's standing still, don't drink it.
no commercials. if you heard about it on the radio or tv, it's probably wizz brew. except sam adams.
camoflage cans are not a good idea. peepee pilsners all around.
cans and non-brown bottles hint at nasty number 1 drinks.
twist off caps are usually for cheap american piss beer. except yeungling black and tan (a convenient marketing ploy gone horribly right). use a bottle opener to unlock true beer flavors.
pictured here is a good beer. it opens with a cork (even better), looks stationary, and you probably haven't heard of it before. the brown wine sized bottle is good too.
use common sense. check the internet, compare containers or cartons, ask a friend...
just try to get some decent beer

fucking bullshit

shit really pisses me off. here's a list:
my computer has trouble playing windows media player while I blog
my lifecam won't capture sound anymore
I have 2 screens: 1 red and 1 regular
the federal reserve issues false currency that is not backed by gold or silver
the department of homeland security is slowly removing our freedom
president elect barack obama promises change, but his policies are a copy of bush's policies
pot zombies show up stoned to work and fuck shit up
dolores won't speak above a whisper
shawn and his fun-time buddies are probably fucking shit up
there arent many bands that combine shred with nastiness of anger, gore and satanism
rock radio
pop radio
there's a whole wide world of music out there and americans probably listen to about 3% of it
country music with lyrics ( instumental country is great)
american piss beer (budwieser, labbat, keystone, molson, steel, oe, coors, busch)
wild irish rose (lots of alcohol but tastes like the sheast)
damn near everything except this list:

ibanes s prestige guitars
alestorm, rhapsody, dragonforce, king diamond, manowar, merciful fate, luca turilli, children of bodom, 6 feet under, bloodbath, dethklok, metalocalypse, reign the conqueror, aeon fucks, kill bill, digitech rp90, ibanez rg series (higher end models only) dolby digital 5.1 surround sound, vodka, guiness, yuengling black and tan, kaluha, triple sec, clear rum, sam adams, dundee oktoberfest, cannabis, hemp, pot, hippy lettuce, greenery, trees, dope, marijuana, the ramones, sex pistols, rancid, bach, beethoven, luis armstrong, ella fitzgerald, duke ellington, charlie christian, jeff beck

poiunt is a lot of shit sucks and we deal with it every day instead of fixing it, and a lot of shit's cool that gets ignored every day instead of putting it in the spotlight. but is that what makes it cool? just think!

finally!

it's been a rough few days for me. I got pissed at the computer and threw a knockout punch to the screen on thursday, convinced my parents to pay for repairs on friday, took it to the shop on saturday, spent sunday without it, tried to pick it up on monday only to find that it was not fixed, then today I picked it up half fixed. the screen is all red and psychedelic, but my dad passed me another screen and the man at the store made it output to the external monitor. it turns out that the computer repair man knows my family, my friend, logan's family, and all of the old guitar guys in b-town that I know. well, I'm happy to have my computer back, although more complex, so it's metalocalypse time. have funs with yours and treats it nice!

paid blogging

I'm getting paid to blog right now. and to listen to blackmetal. that's right, I'm at work. blogging. got pissed last night and delivered a knockout punch to my computer screen. but my parents will pay for the repairs. after spider webbing the screen, i drank 5 beers and 2 mixed drinks. sobriety can kiss my fucking ass!

don't stop drinking!

this is my third day in a row without any booze, and everyone says quitting the sauce is supposed to be good for you, but I feel worse. much worse. I drop everything that I pick up, send long txt messages to land lines, can't control my feelings of anger and despair that happen simultaneously. it's HELL! I remember just making a mixed drink if I was feeling shitty. I'd chug that, smoke a bowl and suddenly the world wouldn't hurt so bad anymore. I stopped drinking to try to control my temper because I would balance the booze with pot to make me calm, but FUCK THAT! I peeled out of every intersection on my way to work this morning and drove through a residential neighborhood at 7 am blasting entombed with my window wide open. by the way, it's december and there is snow on the ground. just had to preach the evils of no alcohol.

high speed torrents

I've been reading alot about torrenting recently and about making it faster, but something just happened that really made it shoot up momentarily. I opened my web browser. it went from 20s to 70s and the speed chart caught this radical diagonal line going up. it's back down to 11 now (few moments later), but it really skyrocketed to start. just an observation.

the world doesn't make sense (drunk)

this world does not make sense. it might just be me, or my clicke of conspiracy theorists, alchoholics and potheads, but WTF? the people in power use that power to control those who are powerless and make them eat crap, watch crap, and listen to crap. not only that, but religion is formulated to worship crap. false dieties, fables with anti-progressive meanings, and some douche-bag called jesus. yeah, jesus might have been some very popular religious leader, but he amounts to no more than a one hit wonder pop star in my book. the world needs substance. something that does not reveal all on the surface. a belief system (if you will) of some substance, explaining how things work, rather than "have faith and it will work". how about something more like science? there is a method to the madness there instead of blind faith. gigantic buildings that are meant to withstand plane crashes must be rigged with bombs in order to collapse just like monetary systems must not be backed by gold in order to collapse. i find government and religion repulsive. they sicken me. science, theory, order... all things that make sense. heavily researched and experimented, something with substance. it is this way because of said factors and conditions, laws of matter and of the universe. and who's to say it's not a multiverse? nobody has gone into space far enough to know. no evidence, no proof, we therefore think it doesn't exist. just because we can't get there? we can't see it? who's to say it's not there? other universes with planets, suns, stars, soforth? what I really want to voice here is doubt. if you can't prove that something exists, does it really not exist, or is it the case that we just cant acess it? it's not available. some people make a life out of speculating on these ideas, others lead meaningless, thoughtless existences focusing on pop culture and other crap that is fed to us in massive quantities. but what meaning is there to life anyway? are we here to be brainwashed and live in a technologically based society? were we meant to spend our time growing food and smoking bongs? both ideas are equally brainless. they both disclude thought. maybe we were meant to make meaning out of the world. maybe we are supposed to free ourselves from this world through violent and bloody death. who knows? NOBODY!!! I am very tempted to give up the search for meaning and let booze kill me slowly and in a very boring way. sitting at home, beer in hand watching meaningless crap on youtube. but the other half of me abhores alcohol and wants to be outside shredding guitar in a progressive metal band like symphony x. life is fuckin' complex!

winter wasteland

My people are from the lands where the north wind blows and yetis still walk the earth. in the cold, dark night I stand and smoke in front of mobil on the run. multidirectional winds whip my hair and ice crystals form along my brow. what's this? a human form appears between the drifts of snow, but this is no human who approaches. atop his gigantic forehead I see a bicycle helmet, but what of the bicycle to match? it is nowhere to be seen. icicles hang from his sgraggly beard and he waves to me with a toothless grin. this could only be the yeti, Ron. defiler of all things clean and antibacterial. a sharp gasp escapes my lips as I snuff out my cigarette and rush indoors, but no mere panes of glass will hold this monster at bay. a blast of cold air chills my very bones as the door swings open and in walks the yeti.

(now adding text from memory not included in original writing in anecdotal, less poetic form)

cheerful as ever, yet sounding clearly under the weather, Ron says hello and explains that he is sick. he absconds to the aisles of the store and is momentarily forgotten. returning with niquil and coffee, he requests cigarettes and voices hopes of feeling better. I agree thet he is very sick and wish him well. he walks outside and lights up a smoke. again forgotten as some police officers enter and get free coffee. after an indefinite portion of time, the police ask what happened to Ron, as they have lost track of him as well. I tell them that he slipped from my mind as he left my immediate field of vision. police leave and Ron appears walking from the bathroom.
"I'm sorry, Andy. I tried to get it in the toilet as much as I could and tried to clean it up." Ron voices apologies for an unknown act.
"that's alright." I say, unsure of what evil was unleashed in the men's room.
later that night, at bathroom cleaning time, I enter the men's room to find shit everywhere! on the toilet, the wall (don't ask me how) and on the floor. Ron had unleashed the sheast.

read like the grinch stole christmas

all the freaks in the living room were tripping on tussin while the grinch upstairs was mussin' and fussin' lying awake trying to sleep in his bed wishing that someone named andy was dead with his dragonball z king diamond and dxm no-doz and final fantasy annoying the shit out of him jack laid there silently alone in a rage his favorite song, metallica - turn the page down the stairs comes the grinch at 9:35 wishing sir andrew wasn't alive out the door to the car and the car on the road they silently left to go to work from thier abode talk of band practice soon filled the air and that mean old grinch, jack rath ceased his glare peace had returned to the 2 fatal friends hoping that pharmacological death be thier end.