Monday, September 14, 2009

legend of liquid shite



well, I walked to the hospital last night thinking I was going to die. they made me drink charcoal and swallow gigantic potassium pills. the dumbass doctor couldn't figure out what kind of syrup I drank and there was one nurse with the good the bad and the ugly face. then they pumped me full of liquids and wouldn't let me use the real toilet and I just couldn't piss in the recepticles they gave me. shawn txted me to see if I was ok cause I had sent him a cry for help. by that time I felt more myself and had my usual punk-bravado back on. I was taking pics of my shite in the toilet and told him that I got some of the sweetest dook pics ever. the doctor that replaced the other one looked like steve buscemi and was wearing a freemason's iron cross. I told him that I was fine and wanted to go home to sleep because I couldn't get any rest there. when he said ok, I peeled the sticky things off of me which the nurse didn't like. they told me to follow up with dr. garg which I won't do and gave me the card of their insurance guy and told me to call him so I wouldn't have to pay the bill. I have a feeling that insurance is more money than the bill, but that's besides the point. I'll call the guy and try to make a deal of some kind. all this time, I'm either on the toilet summoning the charcoal or in bed having to pee so bad I can taste it. they gave me a tray that they called breakfast which consisted of things too nasty to touch, sugar, high fructose corn syrup, milk and oj. I ate the dead bread and drank the breakfast liquids, but balked at the coffee and rice pudding. if I had drank that coffee, they would have regretted giving it to me as they would have gotten the bed linnens soiled. now I'm home with another hospital band for my collection waiting for teddy to come and take my last $200. CHECK THE SWEET DOOK PICS!

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